ONE FAT BASTARD AT A TIME

In PART 1 of HOW TO RULE THE WORLD, I showed you the fundamental details of my world domination plan and how I have used a basic human need to get people to eat what I want them to eat.

And thereby set them up for control.

In this next instalment, I will show you how I am going to ramp up my plan and turn it into something viral, something that will creep imperceptibly into everyone’s life and become the expected standard of living.

Read on!

 

GETTING JIGGY WITH IT

Now I have everything primed and planned and poised and within easy reach, I would up the ante a little bit…and do something very crafty.

I would put chemicals in my food to make it as addictive as I possibly could.

Nobody need know of course. This part, I am going to be doing on the sly. Hush hush.

And if some dweeb with a stupid conscience says something to expose me, I’d deny everything. Obviously!

Hell, I’ll retort by making up some shit about the dumbass and let him deal with it.

Muhahaha!!! Die you self proclaimed hero!! You no fuck with me!!!

 

TARGETING THE BEST CUSTOMERS IN THE WORLD

My best efforts would of course be devoted to getting the attention and love of the best customers in the world.

These guys are easy, they are impressionable, they are quickly manipulated…and once you’ve won them over, they are customers for life.

For years and years to come.

And those are years of money pouring into MY pockets.

I am of course, talking about….KIDS!!!

Kids are the best!!!

A few bright colors, a playful concept, some psychologically manipulative marketing and BOOM!

You have snared yourself the perfect candidate for the ideal customer.

Feed them full, and leave them wanting more!

Of course, they will be overweight and out of shape in a few years time – and prime contenders for a heart attack a few years after that – but you honestly think I care what happens a few years down the line?

I don’t – that’s THEIR problem.

Not mine.

And I’ll make sure they don’t think it’s their problem either.

Not until it is too late, that is.

That would spoil my sales – and money is EVERYTHING.

My REAL task right now is to make them scream at Mommy and Daddy to take them to eat our Delightful Dinners (my projected brand name for this great snaring process) so they can get their cheap toy and eat my crap.

And make them feel like they are missing out of they don’t.

As a plus, that will get me at least 2 customers for the price of one – kids can’t come in on their own, can they?

How about that, huh?

Dr. Evil doesn’t hold a candle to me!

 

CANDIFY AND CONQUER

Now, with all that set up…let’s go even bigger.

I will ensure that there are chocolates, sweets, candy and sugared drinks near all exits and counters in all the shops and outlets I can get my hands on.

Show them how they would be losing income if they did not do exactly that.

I would display all the goodies prominently in all their multicoloured glory, right in your mug, just so you couldn’t miss them if you were dumb, deaf and blind.

I would put little playgrounds or play centers exactly near these sugar-laden delights – so that when these kids get thirsty or hungry after playing…guess where they are going to run to?

I will use words like “healthy snack” or “made with fresh milk” or “filled with energy” to describe calorically overloaded junk that they should not really be taking anyway.

That will not only rest their minds, but it will make the parents feel safe too!!

And they will actually encourage them to eat it!!!

What they don’t know can’t hurt them! Right?

It’s like being a trapdoor spider, waiting for its prey.

Am I a fucking genius or what?

 

A LITTLE MASS IN CLASS

Now that we are talking about kids, what is the best place to find a ton of kids all pooled together?

Yes, you in the back, there. Exactly. Give that man a cigar!!!

Schools!!

So, I’d make sure that the tuck shops in schools were filled with junk till they busted at the seams.

I’ll put vending machines in there dispensing anything from candy to bars to fizzy, sugared drinks.

Make absolutely sure that pizza, fries, burgers, greasy concoctions of pastry, crisps, chocolates, sweets and cakes adorned every visible corner.

Oooh, so tasty!!!

Disarm them with your smile and laugh all the way to the bank.

 

PILING IT UP AND SOCKING IT TO THEM

Now, check this out.

This one is so SMOOTH!!

What if I actually gave people the opportunity to eat even MORE crap – at only slight increases in price?

It would be oh-so-easy to make them believe they are getting a better deal – because I’d actually make them think they are getting a lot more food for a fractionally higher price.

What they DON’T know (because they can be so easily manipulated) is that all the actual increases are in the food that is cheapest for me…and the most harmful for them.

The best part is that you can actually do this size up with just about anything.

You can add in empty calories in the form of sugar in a mind-boggling array of foods.

You can also add in chemical anomalies like high fructose corn syrup which completely destroys the body’s natural ability to process foods normally.

It also induces cataclysmic sugar crashes, and makes people crave and eat even more of these foods.

That’s the power of food science working for me – to entrap you.

 

THE FINAL CHAPTER…

Want to hear the final setup of my world domination plot?

Then join me for PART 3 of HOW TO RULE THE WORLD as I reveal how I am going to plug in the final parts of my scheme to make this a truly global epidemic, where NO ONE is safe.

 

 

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